What I Want by George Bilgere
I read this one in (shockingly) 180 More. I couldn’t get past the first line just now, but I’m going to post it and then head right to bed.
What I Want
By George Bilgere
for my marriage, 1996-2000
I want a good night’s sleep.
I want to get up without feeling
That to waken is to plunge through a trap door.
I want to ride my motorcycle
In late spring through the Elysian Fields
Of the Rocky Mountains
And lie once more with Cecelia
In the summer of 1985
On a blanket in the backyard of our house
In Denver and watch the clouds expand.
And it would be great to see my mother
Alive again, at the stove, frying a pan of noodles
Into the peculiar carbonized disc that has never been replicated.
I would like for my ex-wife to get leprosy,
Her beauty falling away in little chunks
To the disgust of everyone in the chic café
Where she exercises her gift
For doing absolutely nothing.
* * *
I want world peace.
I want to come home one evening
And find Julia, the new assistant professor
In the history department,
Has let herself into my apartment
For the express purpose of lecturing me
On the history of lingerie.
I don’t ask for much: a good merlot.
An afternoon thunderstorm cooling off
The city as I sit listening to Ella
Sing “Spring is Here,” so the air goes lyrical
And perhaps a stray bolt of lightening
Strikes my ex-wife as she steps from her car,
Setting her on fire, to the unqualified delight
Of the friends she has come to visit,
Who are thoroughly sick of her self-aggrandizing stories.
I want to spark a bowl of Maui Wowie
And spend the entire afternoon in my dorm room
* * *
With Corrine Spellman, trying to remember
What we were talking about, wondering
Whether, in fact, we had had sex yet.
I’d like to sit at the little outdoor restaurant
By the lake in Forest Park, talking with my aunt
In the humid summer twilight, as the hot
St. Louis day expires upon the water
And the moth-eaten Chinese lanterns
Glow like faded Kodachrome.
We would argue about the great tenor voices
Of the century, or causes for the dearth
Of poetry about the Gulf War,
Or why my father drank himself into an elegy
We never stop revising,
While couples on their paddleboats come in
From the darkening lake, as they’ve done
Since the beginning of time, and children
Call each other across the shadowy fields.
* * *
Yes, that would be nice.
I want a good woman
With a sweet bosom
And a wicked sense of humor.
I want to wake up in London on a spring morning
And read in the paper that my ex-wife
Has received a lethal injection, courtesy of the state
Of Ohio, as part of a citywide program aimed
At improving the civic pride of Cleveland,
But something went terribly wrong
And she’s been left in a persistent
Vegetative state
Which everyone agrees
Is nonetheless an improvement.
And it would be wonderful
To sit down with Maria
At our favorite restaurant in Madrid
With some good red wine
* * *
And listen to her Spanish
Caress the evening.
I want to read that a new manuscript
Of poetry by James Wright
Has been discovered in someone’s attic,
And someone I haven’t yet met,
In some future I have yet to despoil
Has bought it for my birthday,
And after the kids are asleep
We sit out in the backyard,
A little drunk, and read it
Aloud to each other,
Something we often do
In summer, before climbing upstairs to the bedroom
In the big old house we love so much.

The ghost of the boy I used to be
who loved the girl she used to be
with all his heart
(Not holding back even one single part)
is more tattered and more ragged and more faded
each time we meet
in the city streets of me
He tries to tell me every time we meet
she was wonderful in the once upon a time
though he is the only one who remembers
I have never known a her
who was not a liar and a cheat
a betrayer and a thief
The girl who sent him on treasure hunts
in their apartment to find a hersheys kiss
and then a real one? I never met her
Only the ghost of the boy I used to be remembers
And he is more tattered and more ragged and more faded
each time we meet
There was a girl
Alone
Holding back a vision
Of a face she never knew
Covered in a hollow sense of faded words and dreams
She enters
unaware of what is inside
without ability to understand or perceive
she waits, she feels
a moment or a life
it really makes no difference
And so the girl
Ventures forward raw and exposed
Where has she been
What is the impact left in her absence
If any at all
Or all and many.