What I Want by George Bilgere

I read this one in (shockingly) 180 More. I couldn’t get past the first line just now, but I’m going to post it and then head right to bed.

What I Want
By George Bilgere

          for my marriage, 1996-2000

I want a good night’s sleep.
I want to get up without feeling
That to waken is to plunge through a trap door.

I want to ride my motorcycle
In late spring through the Elysian Fields
Of the Rocky Mountains

And lie once more with Cecelia
In the summer of 1985
On a blanket in the backyard of our house

In Denver and watch the clouds expand.
And it would be great to see my mother
Alive again, at the stove, frying a pan of noodles

Into the peculiar carbonized disc that has never been replicated.
I would like for my ex-wife to get leprosy,
Her beauty falling away in little chunks

To the disgust of everyone in the chic café
Where she exercises her gift
For doing absolutely nothing.

*   *    *

I want world peace.
I want to come home one evening
And find Julia, the new assistant professor

In the history department,
Has let herself into my apartment
For the express purpose of lecturing me

On the history of lingerie.
I don’t ask for much: a good merlot.
An afternoon thunderstorm cooling off

The city as I sit listening to Ella
Sing “Spring is Here,” so the air goes lyrical
And perhaps a stray bolt of lightening

Strikes my ex-wife as she steps from her car,
Setting her on fire, to the unqualified delight
Of the friends she has come to visit,

Who are thoroughly sick of her self-aggrandizing stories.
I want to spark a bowl of Maui Wowie
And spend the entire afternoon in my dorm room

*   *    *

With Corrine Spellman, trying to remember
What we were talking about, wondering
Whether, in fact, we had had sex yet.

I’d like to sit at the little outdoor restaurant
By the lake in Forest Park, talking with my aunt
In the humid summer twilight, as the hot

St. Louis day expires upon the water
And the moth-eaten Chinese lanterns
Glow like faded Kodachrome.

We would argue about the great tenor voices
Of the century, or causes for the dearth
Of poetry about the Gulf War,

Or why my father drank himself into an elegy
We never stop revising,
While couples on their paddleboats come in

From the darkening lake, as they’ve done
Since the beginning of time, and children
Call each other across the shadowy fields.

*   *    *

Yes, that would be nice.
I want a good woman
With a sweet bosom

And a wicked sense of humor.
I want to wake up in London on a spring morning
And read in the paper that my ex-wife

Has received a lethal injection, courtesy of the state
Of Ohio, as part of a citywide program aimed
At improving the civic pride of Cleveland,

But something went terribly wrong
And she’s been left in a persistent
Vegetative state

Which everyone agrees
Is nonetheless an improvement.
And it would be wonderful

To sit down with Maria
At our favorite restaurant in Madrid
With some good red wine

*   *    *

And listen to her Spanish
Caress the evening.
I want to read that a new manuscript

Of poetry by James Wright
Has been discovered in someone’s attic,
And someone I haven’t yet met,

In some future I have yet to despoil
Has bought it for my birthday,
And after the kids are asleep

We sit out in the backyard,
A little drunk, and read it
Aloud to each other,

Something we often do
In summer, before climbing upstairs to the bedroom
In the big old house we love so much.

2 comments:

  1. eugene silver, 26. April 2010, 12:45

    The ghost of the boy I used to be
    who loved the girl she used to be
    with all his heart
    (Not holding back even one single part)
    is more tattered and more ragged and more faded
    each time we meet
    in the city streets of me

    He tries to tell me every time we meet
    she was wonderful in the once upon a time

    though he is the only one who remembers
    I have never known a her
    who was not a liar and a cheat
    a betrayer and a thief

    The girl who sent him on treasure hunts
    in their apartment to find a hersheys kiss
    and then a real one? I never met her
    Only the ghost of the boy I used to be remembers
    And he is more tattered and more ragged and more faded
    each time we meet

     
  2. Cristi Martin, 26. April 2010, 23:47

    There was a girl
    Alone
    Holding back a vision
    Of a face she never knew
    Covered in a hollow sense of faded words and dreams
    She enters
    unaware of what is inside
    without ability to understand or perceive
    she waits, she feels
    a moment or a life
    it really makes no difference
    And so the girl
    Ventures forward raw and exposed
    Where has she been
    What is the impact left in her absence
    If any at all
    Or all and many.

     

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